by Timothy Jones

I've often said I know where a child's behavior problems come from after I've met their parents.  We've all been exposed to "bad" children at one time or another, but many of us don't see the "bad" parents who are responsible for those children.  I've worked jobs where I've been exposed directly to parents and their children, and after seeing how some parents behave, I can fully understand why many children act out or misbehave.  I've met many parents that resent, or even ignore, their children.  I heard a woman screaming at her little girl once about how she wished the little girl had never been born.  I can't tell you how sad that made me.

I used to get annoyed by out of control children and I'd be mad at the kids.  Now when I see those same kinds of kids, I start to think about what their parents are like.   I worked in a mental health hospital for a while doing patient admissions.   There I was brought into direct contact with many patients and their families.   At this hospital we had a unit, or floor if you will, specifically for children and adolescents.  On many occasions I admitted children to this unit for care when the person that really needed help was the child's parent.  I'd have parents sitting in my office who would threaten dire punishment to their children, then not follow through when the child would act out.  Or parents who literally ignored their child, as if the poor kid wasn't even there.  I even had a couple of parents once who just sat there as their little boy ran amok through my office, knocking things off the desks and overturning the trash cans.  I really couldn't blame the kid.  If his parents ignored him like that all the time, no wonder he had to resort to such extreme behavior to get any attention at all.  Heck, being in our facility was probably like going to summer camp for him.

It's not all bad though.  I have seen some good parents.  Parents who interact with their children, and pay attention to them without talking down to them.   I've seen parents who promise discipline, then carry through with the promise when their child tests them.  These are the good ones.  The best are the parents who don't have to discipline their children at all.  Not because they don't want to but because they don't need to. 

I once watched a mother with her son in a restaurant and I was absolutely amazed.   The little boy had climbed up on a long bench seat behind some tables against one wall.  He was running from end to end of this seat, giggling to himself and having a grand time.  His mother quickly became concerned for his safety and called him back to her side.  He immediately got off the bench and came back to her.  She put him up on the bench she was sitting on, so he could be eye level with her. Then she told him she didn't want him running back and forth on the bench like that because he could fall and be hurt and that he was bothering other people.  She asked him if he understood why she didn't want him doing that, and when he said yes, she smiled, and gave him a hug.  Then she sat him down on the bench next to her and proceeded to engage her son in conversation while they ate lunch.  That little boy was happy just receiving the attention of his mother.  He didn't need to run all over the restaurant or have some kind of activity to engage him while his mother ate lunch.  It was such a contrast to the way I've seen so many parents treat their children, it almost brought tears to my eyes.  I think it's rather sad that something as simple as a mother interacting with her child, in what should be a normal way, can be considered exceptional at all. 

I wish there were more good parents out there.  If more people would love and care for their children enough to just pay attention to them, the world would be a better place.